I don’t know what you are going through and I can’t claim to understand my friend. I don’t know how much you have suffered; I don’t feel what you are feeling; and I can’t evaluate the intensity of all the punches you have received from life just because you woke up to a new day. However, one thing I am too sure of is that you are alive and for this reason, I know that whatever you are going through is time-bound and in its time, it will pass. My friend it will pass.
The biggest mistake you can make when responding to a painful situation is to think the situation is peculiar to you – to believe its some sad fate designed just for you. Giving in to that thought, is like giving up on the grace you enjoy as someone who the Kings of Grace died for. Worst things have happened to you, to me and to the engineer who coupled the device you are reading this article on. Pain is a natural course of life; sorrow comes; joy comes – each has its time. Would you give up just because sorrow is having its time?
My concern is that you don’t give up so soon; that you don’t drop your weapons in a haste to run away from pain. You have what it takes to have at least a fighting chance. You have what it takes to turn your pain to gain. I wish that you would believe this because I know it’s true. You don’t see it because you have dwelt so much on all that has gone wrong in your life. What about the good things that have happened to you?
Life! Life! Life! What is life? Really think about that for a while. What is life but a period of pains and gains; of downs and ups; of sorrow and joy? Each of these experience, it’s a king overwhelming in power but not of control – only you can give them control over you. You cannot change the nature of this game called life, but you can determine how you want to respond to the fouls you were penalized for and the goals you scored during the play.
Who ever told you life is smooth has lied to you. The geometry of life has more of curves than straights. When you woke up healthy this morning, somebody else arrived this day with a condition so sad it is even too painful to think about. Every day is a challenge; this is good for your mind and your body. A challenge, when faced with austerity and conquered, is like a new strand of a bird’s feather, it can only make you soar higher and last longer in the sky.
There are two ways to look at the sad things that happen to you. You can either see them as a bunch of bad fate that is packaged to make you fail or you can see them as a chain of experience designed to make you stronger. What will it be for you? Do you want these experiences to have both power and control over you? What makes you give up without a good fight? How do you want to live your life? What hope is there for you to let pain take charge of you?
Do you want to take control of how you respond to the sad part of life? I am sure you do. Try the exercises below
1. Close the pathways of sadness in your life
What are those things or people that consistently make you sad? Pick up a pen and list them. List as much as you can. Thereafter, group them into those you can cut off and those you really can’t cut off.
Now for those you can cut off, take proactive steps to let them go no matter what it will cost you. Remember nothing is worth more than your happiness.
For those you can’t cut off, start finding a way to reduce your dependence on them.
If it is about the lack of money, find away to manage the little you have and to increase your income. You can take up a part-time job or go into a trade no matter how small. What skills or passion do you have that you can turn into a money maker?
If it is about friends, start working becoming on independent from them for anything. If you are lonely, make new acquaintances. Define your relationships with such people. Give them just a space in your life.
If it is about some mistakes in the past, start doing as much good as you can do. Help more people, visit orphanages, advise less experienced people, talk to God to forgive your past – talk to Him, he will answer. He is a merciful God.
2. Leave your bed with as much energy as you can muster
Talk to God each morning. Thank Him genuinely for another new day. Tell Him what you want for the day. Say some wonderful things to yourself as yourself. Shout out the following after your prayers
i. I am happy. God! I am just so happy
ii. Wow! Today is going to be a great day!
iii. I am wonderfully made! Oh my God! I am so beautiful, so confident, so successful!
iv. I have so much love around me
v. Thank you Lord!
vi. My God is right beside me!
3. Determine to leave each person you see that day a happier and better person
Go out and smile so well to each person you meet. Let your love for people overwhelm you. Let love rule you. Become genuinely interested in people. Play with as much people as you can play with. Laugh as much as you can. Let your guard down. Give as much as you can to people in need.
Refuse to be defensive. When people hurt you, forgive them immediately and forget about the incidence. Blame it on their ignorance. Pity people who knowingly hurt you, they are only victims caught up in web of selfishness.
4. Set out to achieve what you left undone.
You can increase your chances of happiness by simply doing something about that thing you have left undone for a while. Set up to achieve little things. It could be a call to someone that has offended you in the past. It could be fixing something in your room, relationship, car or studies. It could be any other task you bailed out on. Just do something to get a little forward!
In all, happiness and sadness are states of the mind. Your mind is yours alone and you can decide what gets into it or to you. To round up this piece, let me lend an ancient but anonymous quote:
“I don’t give up when I am walking through the shadows, because light is somewhere around the corner”
May God engrave this message in your heart and may He also empower you to put to practice what it preaches.
To your success!
Here is a list of positive emotions – I will strongly advise that you let those occupy you as much as you can. I will also list the negative ones, I am sure you know what to do with them
POSITIVE EMOTIONS: Happiness, Love, Confidence, Gratitude, Positive Thoughts, Empathy, and Faith.