Walking Through the Shadows: A Letter to a Sad Friend

I don’t know what you are going through and I can’t claim to understand my friend. I don’t know how much you have suffered; I don’t feel what you are feeling; and I can’t evaluate the intensity of all the punches you have received from life just because you woke up to a new day. However, one thing I am too sure of is that you are alive and for this reason, I know that whatever you are going through is time-bound and in its time, it will pass. My friend it will pass.

The biggest mistake you can make when responding to a painful situation is to think the situation is peculiar to you – to believe its some sad fate designed just for you. Giving in to that thought, is like giving up on the grace you enjoy as someone who the Kings of Grace died for. Worst things have happened to you, to me and to the engineer who coupled the device you are reading this article on. Pain is a natural course of life; sorrow comes; joy comes – each has its time. Would you give up just because sorrow is having its time?

My concern is that you don’t give up so soon; that you don’t drop your weapons in a haste to run away from pain. You have what it takes to have at least a fighting chance. You have what it takes to turn your pain to gain. I wish that you would believe this because I know it’s true. You don’t see it because you have dwelt so much on all that has gone wrong in your life. What about the good things that have happened to you?

Life! Life! Life! What is life? Really think about that for a while. What is life but a period of pains and gains; of downs and ups; of sorrow and joy? Each of these experience, it’s a king overwhelming in power but not of control – only you can give them control over you. You cannot change the nature of this game called life, but you can determine how you want to respond to the fouls you were penalized for and the goals you scored during the play.

Who ever told you life is smooth has lied to you. The geometry of life has more of curves than straights. When you woke up healthy this morning, somebody else arrived this day with a condition so sad it is even too painful to think about. Every day is a challenge; this is good for your mind and your body. A challenge, when faced with austerity and conquered, is like a new strand of a bird’s feather, it can only make you soar higher and last longer in the sky.

There are two ways to look at the sad things that happen to you. You can either see them as a bunch of bad fate that is packaged to make you fail or you can see them as a chain of experience designed to make you stronger. What will it be for you? Do you want these experiences to have both power and control over you? What makes you give up without a good fight? How do you want to live your life? What hope is there for you to let pain take charge of you?

Do you want to take control of how you respond to the sad part of life? I am sure you do. Try the exercises below

1.      Close the pathways of sadness in your life

What are those things or people that consistently make you sad? Pick up a pen and list them. List as much as you can. Thereafter, group them into those you can cut off and those you really can’t cut off.

Now for those you can cut off, take proactive steps to let them go no matter what it will cost you. Remember nothing is worth more than your happiness.

For those you can’t cut off, start finding a way to reduce your dependence on them.

If it is about the lack of money, find away to manage the little you have and to increase your income. You can take up a part-time job or go into a trade no matter how small. What skills or passion do you have that you can turn into a money maker?

If it is about friends, start working becoming on independent from them for anything. If you are lonely, make new acquaintances. Define your relationships with such people. Give them just a space in your life.

If it is about some mistakes in the past, start doing as much good as you can do. Help more people, visit orphanages, advise less experienced people, talk to God to forgive your past – talk to Him, he will answer. He is a merciful God.

2.      Leave your bed with as much energy as you can muster

Talk to God each morning. Thank Him genuinely for another new day. Tell Him what you want for the day. Say some wonderful things to yourself as yourself. Shout out the following after your prayers

i.                    I am happy. God! I am just so happy

ii.                  Wow! Today is going to be a great day!

iii.                I am wonderfully made! Oh my God! I am so beautiful, so confident, so successful!

iv.                I have so much love around me

v.                  Thank you Lord!

vi.                My God is right beside me!

3.      Determine to leave each person you see that day a happier and better person

Go out and smile so well to each person you meet. Let your love for people overwhelm you. Let love rule you. Become genuinely interested in people. Play with as much people as you can play with. Laugh as much as you can. Let your guard down. Give as much as you can to people in need.

Refuse to be defensive. When people hurt you, forgive them immediately and forget about the incidence. Blame it on their ignorance. Pity people who knowingly hurt you, they are only victims caught up in web of selfishness.

4.      Set out to achieve what you left undone.

You can increase your chances of happiness by simply doing something about that thing you have left undone for a while. Set up to achieve little things. It could be a call to someone that has offended you in the past. It could be fixing something in your room, relationship, car or studies. It could be any other task you bailed out on. Just do something to get a little forward!  

In all, happiness and sadness are states of the mind. Your mind is yours alone and you can decide what gets into it or to you. To round up this piece, let me lend an ancient but anonymous quote:

“I don’t give up when I am walking through the shadows, because light is somewhere around the corner”

May God engrave this message in your heart and may He also empower you to put to practice what it preaches.

To your success!

Larry

P.S

Here is a list of positive emotions – I will strongly advise that you let those occupy you as much as you can. I will also list the negative ones, I am sure you know what to do with them

POSITIVE EMOTIONS: Happiness, Love, Confidence, Gratitude, Positive Thoughts, Empathy, and Faith.

Negative emotions: Anger, Sadness, Hatred, Envy, Regrets, Greed, Doubt, and Fear.

Badoo Babes No Dey Gree

You got chatting with a lady. All goes well. So much fun and laughter. You are happy because she smiles at your joke. You start believing you are funny. She seems very interested in you. First is your real name, then where you live and then the big question "what you do for a living?". You are honest. She seems interested and sincerely so.The tory continue like that for days and one day you check in and be like "whats up" and she is like " i am not having a good day, or i am sad...or dont worry lets just chat maybe i will get better". Ok.

Being a nice guy, you keep persisting. I want to know. Please let me know what is bothering you (you don enter kasala be that). You really want to know, like seriously? You don eat the hook plus sinker be dat. O boy! Of course you keep chatting all the same and then they hit you with it. "I got this textbook, handout, academic tour....blah blah blah... i need to buy. Sincerely, you don't have money and you are concerned...na there the scam start. O boy. As a sharp guy, you are like why not tell your parents about it...i mean i wish i cud help. She is like "they already gave me the money but i spent it on something". Ok then you sympathized with her as par good guy.

"So what do we do about it?" You asked, wishing you knew what to do and she is like "just forget about it, let me just spend some time alone" Na there the chat end. Next time if you view your messages log, you go see account has been deleted. One even asked me after 5 days of meeting, "what did you say you do for a living?" I had told her i was into business consulting but after the textbook issue, i had to tell her i help small and medium businesses look for grant and set up their businesses. The two they different but u no go understand.

Has anybody, whether guys or gal, had a similar experience? Please share.

Loving is Crazy: A True Tale

Being crazily in love with someone is crazy but it is rewarding. Ok you saw this person and you thought, “I wish you were mine and mine only”. Then you realised that no matter how much you long for them, they are just not into you. O boy! You don enter wahala be dat. The next few days after that, nothing seems to matter... you are crazy about getting on a date with them. You dream of an opportunity to be with them and pray for the right words to describe how much they mean to you.

I have been there. I once came close to running mad for a woman. She drove everything in me insane. If it was necessary, am sure I would have been able to dance naked on the street for her. Was she beautiful? Not as you would think. She was plain but she was perfect for me. After weeks of horning my conversation skills, I went after her. The first task was to know where to meet her. I had bumped into her on a show. I think I paid about $75 for that show. It was somewhere in Abuja and I had spent that much because my favourite entertainer was to show up.

The moment I laid my eyes on her by the ticketing stand, I knew I had got another show running. I traced her to her seat and had to exchange ticket with another sharp dude who knew a brother in need. I spent the 3 hours of the show, taking in every part of her and apparently ignoring my entertainer when he came on stage. I never knew I had detective skills but by the time the show was over, I could tell the way she packed her hair, her facial expression when she laughed, felt uneasy, took interest in a story, or got distracted. It was a rewarding experience as I am sure I made quite a good use of my brain trying to figure out hundreds of ways to get her to notice me. 

Anyways, I had to stalk her to her home, took note of the address, and decided to try a safer stalking the next day. Man! How much of our faculties we use when we are crazily in love?

Well as I was saying, getting to meet her was a hurdle I invested so much of wits to manoeuvre. I bribed a friend to her guard, appeased a friend of hers, and bought her brother some unnecessarily expensive whisky at Cubana. Eventually, the day came and I was tongue-tied. The object of my love (infatuation) was just before me and I couldn’t find the right set of words. I stuttered, and couldn’t get my eyes to look at her. I was so powerless before her. It was getting stupid.

Thinking about it now, I know I wasn’t shy. I just had so much reverence for her that I couldn’t risk saying the wrong thing. She was looking over me. I could tell she found me interesting but it was in a way that says, “What could this guy possible have to say to me for going so far to meet me?” One of those freaks of nature played out and I remained grateful for it. Her handkerchief fell from her laps and as she bent down to pick it, she nodded the edge of the table. The result was an embarrassing scene of crashing cutleries and cups.

The event took her a little unaware and I could tell that it was her time to be uneasy. I rushed over to help her pick up the hand towel. Thereafter, I held her by her shoulders and inquired if she was all right. I took control of the situation and asked the waiters to come clean up. Once I felt a surge of confidence and I went straight to the point. Before long we were laughing. I told her how I met her and the crazy things I did to meet her. I told her about the guard. I told her of my offering to buy a drink for her brother at Cubana without knowing the cost, and almost getting kicked out of the lounge. She was laughing.

We ended up agreeing that we would be friends but the problem was that I never opened that bracket. We were friends, in fact two months later she introduced me to her teenage crush-turned-lover. This person treated her very sadly. He was always bullying her but she was in love with him. I was dying to squeeze his neck. I dreamed of a day when she would call and tell me her lover’s ship had been pulled into the Bermuda Triangle.

Well last night, I got a call from her. She was crying. She said she had been foolish and blind. That she never grew over her crush and she was crazy to think he actually loved her. She was crazy, oh yeah! That is what love does to you. It makes you crazy.