Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Badoo Babes No Dey Gree

You got chatting with a lady. All goes well. So much fun and laughter. You are happy because she smiles at your joke. You start believing you are funny. She seems very interested in you. First is your real name, then where you live and then the big question "what you do for a living?". You are honest. She seems interested and sincerely so.The tory continue like that for days and one day you check in and be like "whats up" and she is like " i am not having a good day, or i am sad...or dont worry lets just chat maybe i will get better". Ok.

Being a nice guy, you keep persisting. I want to know. Please let me know what is bothering you (you don enter kasala be that). You really want to know, like seriously? You don eat the hook plus sinker be dat. O boy! Of course you keep chatting all the same and then they hit you with it. "I got this textbook, handout, academic tour....blah blah blah... i need to buy. Sincerely, you don't have money and you are there the scam start. O boy. As a sharp guy, you are like why not tell your parents about it...i mean i wish i cud help. She is like "they already gave me the money but i spent it on something". Ok then you sympathized with her as par good guy.

"So what do we do about it?" You asked, wishing you knew what to do and she is like "just forget about it, let me just spend some time alone" Na there the chat end. Next time if you view your messages log, you go see account has been deleted. One even asked me after 5 days of meeting, "what did you say you do for a living?" I had told her i was into business consulting but after the textbook issue, i had to tell her i help small and medium businesses look for grant and set up their businesses. The two they different but u no go understand.

Has anybody, whether guys or gal, had a similar experience? Please share.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Loving is Crazy: A True Tale

Being crazily in love with someone is crazy but it is rewarding. Ok you saw this person and you thought, “I wish you were mine and mine only”. Then you realised that no matter how much you long for them, they are just not into you. O boy! You don enter wahala be dat. The next few days after that, nothing seems to matter... you are crazy about getting on a date with them. You dream of an opportunity to be with them and pray for the right words to describe how much they mean to you.

I have been there. I once came close to running mad for a woman. She drove everything in me insane. If it was necessary, am sure I would have been able to dance naked on the street for her. Was she beautiful? Not as you would think. She was plain but she was perfect for me. After weeks of horning my conversation skills, I went after her. The first task was to know where to meet her. I had bumped into her on a show. I think I paid about $75 for that show. It was somewhere in Abuja and I had spent that much because my favourite entertainer was to show up.
The moment I laid my eyes on her by the ticketing stand, I knew I had got another show running. I traced her to her seat and had to exchange ticket with another sharp dude who knew a brother in need. I spent the 3 hours of the show, taking in every part of her and apparently ignoring my entertainer when he came on stage. I never knew I had detective skills but by the time the show was over, I could tell the way she packed her hair, her facial expression when she laughed, felt uneasy, took interest in a story, or got distracted. It was a rewarding experience as I am sure I made quite a good use of my brain trying to figure out hundreds of ways to get her to notice me. 

Anyways, I had to stalk her to her home, took note of the address, and decided to try a safer stalking the next day. Man! How much of our faculties we use when we are crazily in love?
Well as I was saying, getting to meet her was a hurdle I invested so much of wits to manoeuvre. I bribed a friend to her guard, appeased a friend of hers, and bought her brother some unnecessarily expensive whisky at Cubana. Eventually, the day came and I was tongue-tied. The object of my love (infatuation) was just before me and I couldn’t find the right set of words. I stuttered, and couldn’t get my eyes to look at her. I was so powerless before her. It was getting stupid.

Thinking about it now, I know I wasn’t shy. I just had so much reverence for her that I couldn’t risk saying the wrong thing. She was looking over me. I could tell she found me interesting but it was in a way that says, “What could this guy possible have to say to me for going so far to meet me?” One of those freaks of nature played out and I remained grateful for it. Her handkerchief fell from her laps and as she bent down to pick it, she nodded the edge of the table. The result was an embarrassing scene of crashing cutleries and cups.

The event took her a little unaware and I could tell that it was her time to be uneasy. I rushed over to help her pick up the hand towel. Thereafter, I held her by her shoulders and inquired if she was all right. I took control of the situation and asked the waiters to come clean up. Once I felt a surge of confidence and I went straight to the point. Before long we were laughing. I told her how I met her and the crazy things I did to meet her. I told her about the guard. I told her of my offering to buy a drink for her brother at Cubana without knowing the cost, and almost getting kicked out of the lounge. She was laughing.

We ended up agreeing that we would be friends but the problem was that I never opened that bracket. We were friends, in fact two months later she introduced me to her teenage crush-turned-lover. This person treated her very sadly. He was always bullying her but she was in love with him. I was dying to squeeze his neck. I dreamed of a day when she would call and tell me her lover’s ship had been pulled into the Bermuda Triangle.
Well last night, I got a call from her. She was crying. She said she had been foolish and blind. That she never grew over her crush and she was crazy to think he actually loved her. She was crazy, oh yeah! That is what love does to you. It makes you crazy.