Monday, 6 June 2011


You have probably been in a situation where you notice some shy guy you are attracted to has interest in you, but is denying you the opportunity to know him because he has got no balls to come after you. You are there, doing everything within your powers to make him feel free to come around and because you cant risk being cheap you let the shy guy decide what happens to your mutual attraction; unfortunately, he couldn’t get his legs to do its job – much later you path way with each of you going back home very sad and unfulfilled. I can imagine how really frustrating it can be. But what if I tell you that you can save yourself the hassle and win a chance to go home happier when next you are faced with a similar situation? What if I can show you how you can get that spineless dude to act?

First some home truth...
A shy guy will never make the first move; it is even impossible for him to try when there is no form of encouragement. When a guy is shy by nature, he becomes a coward by culture...he leaves his fight, not to fight another day. Shy guys are experts at bailing out, so if you think he will soon muster some courage and come for you, you had better think again.

You might also be the problem. Maybe your countenance is getting him worked up or nervous. You might not know this but your body language could be the guarding beast against his visit. You don’t expect a shy guy to come over for a drink when you are non-verbally telling every guy around (including the bold ones) to stay clear or risk getting a (B**ch) bite!

He is use to letting go so you stand to loose more than he does. For years he (the shy guy) has mastered living with letting go a woman that ‘tickles him fancy’. You are not the first and you are sure not going to be the last. Soon he will encourage himself with some expectation of a future custom-made soul mate, who both her and providence will make it easier for him to approach her. But what if you can make today that future?

You need to encourage the first few lines of your conversation if he eventually turns up. He is already embarrassed coming over to you, it can only turn out bad if he cant even communicate with you. So you have to help the both of you, have a good conversation, when it is time. Respond to his questions and ask him one that doesn’t just require a “Yes or No”. Smile at his efforts to make a joke or interest you, show him he is trying but don’t let him know you are flattering him, otherwise he will feel you are probably trying to help his pitiable situation – you don’t want that, trust me!

Those said, we can get down to the subject matter....

Avoid looking too much at him
Try not to look at him too much; it might get him over excited and itchy. You might have been doing this before to show him that you have his attention but I have counselled so many shy guys who admit that the habit is a big scarecrow for them. They seem to think, the girl is just trying to give them some undeserved attention.

Free up yourself
Just as I will advice you isolate yourself externally, you need to do same internally. The shy guy needs to know that when he eventually musters the courage to come over to you, he won’t be clashing with other things that have your interest already. Let your body language preach that you are free and very accessible – he must not suspect that you are bothered or over excited; he must believe that you need a companion and that you don’t mind who is willing to help out.

Pay an indirect attention to him
It could be sending a bottle of drink his table, notifying him of something out of place in his dressing or sending him a note requesting that you wanted to ask him something. Now you have to be very careful with this. Once he senses you are doing that because you are some attention-sick freak-ress, he might give in to his shyness and excuse his withdrawal for your being too cheap.

Isolate yourself
The more people you have around you, the less the possibility of him coming over. So you need to isolate yourself; get outside for a fresh air while looking at him appreciatively just as you pass by (wink at him if you can on your way outside); or you can get closer to his side of the room, leaving your friends and admirers behind. Or you can even....

Go over to him
Yes! The straight and short way out of all this is to go over to him. The saying goes that if Mohammed refuses to go to the mountain, the mountain will definitely come over to him – since He must pray. Also a highly regarded proverb in Africa, advices the hunter to learn to shoot without aiming once the bird starts flying without perching. You might not necessarily, do this to ask him out; however, you can start up a conversation with questions like “So why are so shy? Could you buy me a drink? Why are you sitting out here alone? Or Are you as bored as I am? etc.” The idea is to take the bull by the horn.

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