My elder brother, Ken is one guy you will love to meet. Why? Simple: he understands the sensitivity of the human sense of importance and the desire to be appreciated. Yes! I have seen him around people; you just can't fathom his desire to make people happy and feel appreciated anytime they come around him. I have learnt, first hand, growing with him, that there are simple things you can do to make people glued to you- not because they become too dependent on you but because you help them bring out the best in them. This secret is what I will be exposing in this article.
1. Be patient with people:
One of the major causes of misunderstandings in relationships is impatience. Impatience denies you the opportunity to figure out why people do the things they do and how to prevent their actions from hurting your relationship with them. If you can discipline yourself to be patient with people, especially as it concerns their views and actions, you will come to see that people hardly mean bad.
When next you are tempted to rush into conclusions, try to calm your nerves for a while; you might see things from another better perspective. Once, I went back to school, unknowingly, with an important item of Ken's. I was so scared when I discovered it in school - I had asked him severally, in vain, to give me the item. So I presumed he must have concluded that it was an intentional act. There were no mobile phones then and visiting day was over a month away. Somehow, I got over the guilt but what baffled me most was that when I came back 3 months later; he welcomed me home and acted as if it never happened.
Consequently, I was compelled to discuss the issue with him. When I told him how I never intended to steal away with the item, he simply smiled and said he knew. According to him, "Larry, I decided to believe you couldn't have desired to hurt me and that there must be some form of explanations for what happened". I was shocked! But that is ken for you. You can borrow a leave from Ken, and let time sort out certain issues with people. You will be surprised the level of success you will record with people.
2. Create ease around you:
It is beautiful for people-even strangers- to feel free and welcomed around you. Ken told me that one of his strong success factors with relationships is that he "lends a hand of friendship the instant he meets people". How? He simply refuses to be too conscious of the impression he could make on anybody. This attitude made him easy going with people, so when people meet him they just "see through him- no barriers". "You need to cultivate a free mind to operate on this level", he says.
Persist on letting people have their way around you- make them feel at home with you. All it takes is to be keenly interested in them, even if you are just meeting them for the first time. Listen to what they have to say; their views and follow up on any conversation you have with them. Laugh at their jokes, pat their back- if necessary, make sincere compliments... and hail them when they deserve it. The problem is that people are too mechanical; they want everything to be formal at the first meeting. It will do a lot of good to be different.
3. Respect people:
People don't deserve to be respected only because they are older than or better placed than you alone. Also, they don't have to earn your respect. People are to be respected primarily because; they are humans with emotions, vision, desires... because they are people like you. The past century featured the greatest disrespect for live and nature; with all the wars and abuse of power. This has affected the relationship between nations of the world- everybody is just hanging on. You don't want this to happen in your relationship; I assure you. Even the elevator person on your way up the office and the beggar on the street deserve to be respected without any prejudice.
Disrespect is not something you can hide; it doesn't take long to know those who don't respect us and we are always feeling unfulfilled around them. Ken's secret of respecting people lies in his conviction that all people are created equal. Now, you don't have to believe that but you need to understand that your fellow humans deserve to be respected- especially if you want to enjoy a great network of friends.
4. Learn to be nice:
Nothing puts people off better than selfishness. When you hear people say "I like this guy, he is nice", know that the nice guy must have at least, given up his interest or something of value, once, for that of the observer. It is rare to meet a truly nice guy since it usually requires a great deal of selflessness but if you must be successful with people then you need to learn to be nice.
Ken's secret on this tip is simple: being patient with and interested in people helps him to be nice to them. According to him, it is easier to care for people when you can tolerate them. If you must be successful with people, you will have to accommodate their shortcomings and open your heart to respond to their problems.
5. Keep in touch
I have lost quite a number of relationships because of an unhealthy bridge in communication. The most painful was that of my university heart-throb; a six-month strike action separated us. We had tried to keep in touch earlier in the break, however, I was not filling up my own part of the equation and soon it appeared as though I was not interested. Before, the strike was called off the relationship had grown stale- I couldn't even help it when I tried. As someone who is interested in grooming successful relationship with people, you should always show them you need them around. Make calls, write, and visit, if you can. Don't just stay out long.
Thank God for the advancement in information communication, with social sites, chat, forums and blogs you can keep in touch with your loved ones and friend. You can even share pictures and videos over thousands of miles in a jiffy. Of recent, a friend of mine sent me a U-tube video of his child's naming ceremony; it took place in South Africa, I was in Nigeria; I felt among.
Honestly, it requires a great deal of sacrifice to groom a successful relationship, no matter its nature, but with some dedication and a keen desire, it can be achieved. It may also be time consuming but you must understand that it is important you have strings of successful relationships. An African adage has it that "He who have people is better than the man with money".
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